Flowers, Rainbows and Stars

Just over two weeks ago I got my quarter sleeve.  I had been simmering and planning on it for months.  The flowers are the kids' birth month flowers.  Daffodils for Grace and Henry and Chrysanthemums for Evangeline and Duncan.  The rainbow represents Henry, my rainbow baby, and the stars represent my precious Duncan.

Quote

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." ~Elizabeth Edwards

I recently came across this quote and it rings so true. Most are unsure what to say or how to react when a relative or friend loses a child. This often leaves the grieving parents feeling alone and abandoned because relatives and family ignore the loss or skirt around it. We're not so fragile that the slightest mention of our child will cause us to crumble and fall apart. We want others to acknowledge our child and their life, however long or short. To forget they ever existed by skirting around them hurts the grieving parents even more. I like talking about Duncan. I'm reminded of him everyday. I smile when someone inquires about the meaning of my tattoos. Talking about him doesn't make me uncomfortable or reopen wounds. It brings me joy to talk about him, honor and remember him. I want others to acknowledge him and what he means to me.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!

It's hard to believe it's been two years since I carried you in my womb, where you knew only love and warmth. It's been two years since my world came crashing down. Two years since I held you in my arms, felt your weight, cuddled with you and kissed you. We didn't have nearly enough time together. My heart broke into a million pieces all over again when I had to give you away to the nurse so she could take you to the morgue. Two years ago I went home with empty arms and a purple memory box. I had to look forward to choosing between burial and cremation and when we chose cremation we had to choose which urn would be your 'home.' Instead of enjoying the early days of your life in our home we were left planning arrangements with the funeral home director. I had to leave you in the hospital all alone. Leaving you there was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You belong with me. I am your home. Your home is my heart. That is where you are and where you'll stay. You are so loved and so very missed. I think about you always. You transformed the very essence of my being. You taught me a new Love. Love in the midst of heartache, pain, and devastation. You are so unique and special. You are my son and I love you so very much.

Happy Birthday, Duncan!

Face of Loss, Face of Hope

Getting the word out. Putting a face to the loss of a child. Lots of love to fellow babyloss mothers.

What I want for Christmas

Besides Henry born safely into my arms . . .

I love cameo pendants.  I think this one is especially symbolic of this journey.  Duncan 'watching over' Henry.  It makes me cry when I think about it.

Overdue pics of Henry - 33 weeks

My beautiful little guy. =)

Half Way There - 20 weeks!

 

Woohoo!  Some days it feels as though this pregnancy is flying by.  I hope it continues to feel that way.  I'm beginning to feel more movement now.  I was beginning to grow very impatient about not feeling stronger movement.  I think this is the first time I've had an anterior placenta.  I have "popped" somewhat, but unfortunately I'm still sporting a B belly. :sigh:  I figure I'll start to really show in a couple weeks or so.  My next midwife appt. is on the 27th.  I still need to get the diagnostic scan done.  I've been playing phone tag with the nurse from the doctor's office I called.  I'm still nervous and apprehensive.  Sometimes I worry about his condition wondering if everything is okay.   I just want everything to be okay.  I know I'm going to be so nervous come the ultrasound.  Hopefully everything is shown to be in good working order and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Today also happens to be Mark's birthday. =)