Monday, July 27, 2009

Reborn Duncan

For information on reborn dolls see wiki (everyone loves wiki, right?--- sarcasm)

I've been considering having a memory doll made for many months. I've always thought they were interesting, but never considered one for myself until after losing Duncan. A couple discussions have been brought up on a support forum for baby loss mothers. Some moms expressed interest in a memory doll. I've been drawn to one, but somehow would end up retiring the idea because society deems it "weird," "morbid," "delusional," or whatever. That a doll can't possibly replace the child that was lost. I have brought this up for debate on other forums and many non-baby loss mothers expressed that if it was beneficial for the mother in her grief then all is fine. The only time it becomes weird is when the mother begins treating the doll as if it's her real baby. It may not be the right choice for some, but I believe it's very much the right choice for me.

My friend Dawn referred me to a reborn artist that offers memory reborn services. I was amazed at her work when Dawn shared reborn William. So very life-like and real. She did a wonderful job recreating baby William. What has been really hard for me is that while I have come to a sort of peace with him being gone, what I have to remember him by doesn't bring positive feelings. A lot of the feelings resurface and I start thinking about all the things I regret. How I wish I had taken more pictures or how I wish I had taken notice to his lack of movement and maybe if he were born sooner we could have spent more time with him. Three hours was definitely not enough. He was so delicate and fragile. Even though he was dead I thought I was hurting him somehow. Seeing him in that state killed me and those images still upset me. I wish I had more "pretty" pictures.

Having a doll made in his likeness will hopefully bring me that peace and closure. Where I have something positive to think about. Instead of trying to fantasize how he should or would have looked like, I'll have something tangible made in his likeness. No blue/pale skin or blisters and skin deterioration. No vernix all over him and no dark red lips. I can't wait to see what Duncan would have looked like. The issue with having a memory doll made in his likeness is trying to find one that shares Down Syndrome features/characteristics. Finding a preemie size wasn't difficult at all. Just finding a *cute* sculpt that actually resembles him. I found two good matches, but the sleeping doll wasn't exactly cute to me. It had a lot of the Ds features, but wasn't very pretty. The other would have made for an older version of Duncan. I want a young/newborn Duncan.

Marilyn, the artist, recommended some sculpts. I immediately liked two of them, which were the ones she liked as well.

I'm planning on two dolls, one sleeping and one awake. Here's the sleeping version:

Here's the "awake" version:

Here's my Duncan:


Rachele "MommaSomeday" said...

Brittany - I'm glad to hear you're going to do a reborn. I wish I had the extra money right now for one. They're so beautiful. It's true - I think they can be an incredible tool to help you deal with your grief, but they could also be very hard to live with. Garrin and I talked about them a while back when Dawn first brought them up on MDC. He thinks it would haunt him, and he couldn't do it. To each his own. Those sculpts are amazing - please let us see them when they are finished. *hugs*

Inanna said...

So glad, Britt... I hope your reborns bring you lots of comfort and peace and help you work through your grief and allow you to hold "Duncan" just a little longer, in the way you wished you could have... HUGS.

lost--for--words said...

I am so glad that you found some sculpts that resemble Duncan! I love the idea of reborn dolls, but I just don't feel that any would properly represent Freja with her T-18 characteristics. Since she lived for 15 days, I obsessed and tried to memorize every little detail about her. I just don't know how I could find a doll that resembled her enough to find comfort in it... I would probably need to have one sculpted of her specifically, and I'm sure that would cost a small fortune. The other day my oldest dd told me that she wanted a doll that looked like Freja, specifically mentioning that she wanted the doll to have clenched hands that are typical of T-18. It broke my heart.
I'm amazed by how much those dolls look like your son... He is beautiful, by the way!!!

Fireflyforever said...

I cannot believe how much the two dolls you've chosen look like your lovely boy. What a precious connection to him, Brittany.

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